My writing might (might) often become a pale pastiche of something funnier, edgier and more articulate, including this week when I felt it would be useful/constructive to have a ranty tanty and to imitate that most fabulous of bloggers, farkew, and say a big fucking finger to everything that has fucked me off over the last week.
– fuck you, sales assistant at Spencer St outlet, who upon seeing me in shoulderless top, suggested it might be better as a ‘gift for your niece or daughter’
– fuck you, milk choc Lindt bunnies for being so awesomely smooth, creamy and gorgeous and forcing me to gorge on them
– fuck you, adult acne. Who agrees with me? I have fucking wrinkles and fucking pimples!
– fuck you (and a big fuck off) to Monash IVF, who clutter my facebook and google ads (see also Clearblue, fucking elevit, et al, all of you)
– fuck you, to cafes who don’t accept eftpos under $10 and then have something of $9.90 on the fucking menu. Daft Morons.
– fuck you, pain and suffering occurring on the earth right now, and lastly!
– fuck you hair for not looking as nice as Julia Zemiros
That’s better. Thanks readers, may all your fuck yous come true. Feeling better already.
PS: spoke too soon. A very sincere fuck you you to the Belgrave line. Wahhhh